This post combines a short review of Björk’s concert last night (short version: disappointing but good) with a rant about Dutch concert-going habits (short version: they’re tall and don’t care if you’re not).

The concert

I was disappointed, but partly because of too-high expectations. The high point was of course her voice, just as extraordinary live as recorded — and watching her face while she produced those open-throated roars you’d think they were completely effortless.

She sang for just over an hour, backed by two electronics dudes, a drummer, keyboards, and a ten-piece brass ensemble (the all-girl “Icelandic Brass Dectet”, if I caught it right).1 The songs pretty much alternated between hard-out and danceable (the tracks I know and love) and more ambient sounds combining fast rhythm work and slow, floating melodies. I’m told this is her recent work, and I’m afraid it doesn’t work so well at an outdoor concert, where you really need to get a groove on to make standing for so long bearable.

The visuals were cool but fairly restrained, apart from the laser show — flags everywhere (on the set –all static– and also on the horn players, to be removed and waved triumphantly for the encore “Raise Your Flag”), the brass section in rather odd-looking flourescent baggy overalls,2 and Björk’s dress –while not normal street-wear– was less outrageous than what some of the audience were wearing.3

The laser show was bog-standard (which is already cool if you ask me) except that they’d mounted a line of mirrors along the top of the stage and another line along the bottom, so that occasionally the stage would suddenly be caught in a net of not one but twenty glowing green beams, from the projector in the middle up to the mirrors above, down to the floor mirrors and finally out over our heads. A cheap and effective way of faking twenty laser projectors with just one!

So that was the show: certainly a good one, and I’m glad I went, but I wouldn’t go again anytime soon. And if I did see her again, I’d try to pick a different country to do it in.

The audience

Steroetypes say that Dutch are tall, individualistic, and self-confident. That caches out, in this case, in a row of Dutch men topping six foot by a comfortable margin,4 standing right in front of us and totally unwilling to let us through.

Some more context: the security folk had a little pen in the middle of the crowd, which effectively meant that if you reached that point you couldn’t go any further forward. You did get a fairly good view though, because the space directly in front of you was empty for about two metres. So who do we find leaning on the fence? The 6’6” brigade, of course. And they’d been standing there since 6pm (so they assured us) and were completely unwilling to let us slip in front of them.5

Who is “us”? Myself, 5’7”6, and two Greek girls, both under 5’6”. And the woman to my left (an inch or so taller than me) was giving the same story to two other latecomers (also Greek, coincidentally), neither of whose heads would come up to my chin.7 Quote of the moment: “Well, next time you’ll know to bring your high heels, won’t you?”

There is something to be said for the Dutch system: it cuts down on pushing, and in principle you can still ensure yourself a good view if you’re devoted enough to turn up early.8 But there’s also something to be said for flexibility and generosity, neither of which are stereotypical Dutch virtues.

The bonus

As a reward for wading through that venting session, go laugh at BjörkDiddy.

Notes:

  1. Random observation: the french horn is terribly under-utilised in pop music, and looks way cool on stage. [↪]
  2. Olga suggests this is deliberate de-sexualisation, a comment on pop musical culture — which is all to the good but surely you can find a more aesthetically attractive asexual model than the Teletubbies? [↪]
  3. Admittedly most of them didn’t have ferocious makeup and a pom-pom skull-cap. [↪]
  4. Yes, I think heights in feet and inches. This converter says 6′ is 183cm, and 6” adds 15 cm. [↪]
  5. One of these guys was equipped with binoculars, meaning that he could even have gained by swapping places with us: he could have sat them on my head and given his arms a rest. [↪]
  6. The same height as Ramses II. [↪]
  7. To avoid charges of exaggeration: the man on my right was perhaps only six inches taller than me, but I was staring horizontally at the collar of the fellow directly in front, and to his right was a giant who could have tucked my head into his armpit. [↪]
  8. Of course if you’re short you have to turn up before all the tall folk who are just as devoted as you are… [↪]